March 2010
morning
Psalm 91:14-15 Because he holds fast to Me in love, I will deliver him. I will protect him, because he knows My name. When he calls to Me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and and honor him.
owie.
questions. questions all the time. they absolutely break my heart. i don’t know which way to turn. or if what i’m feeling is because of my circumstances or because of what Jesus is trying to tell me. i don’t know. and i feel like i’ve been stuck in this boat for too long. and what does it mean to step out onto the water and trust Jesus to hold me up? it could mean two...
March 28, 2010
the wedding was beautiful. my mom looked gorgeous and so happy. her hair was curled and pinned with orchids. her Hawaiian dress was perfect.
and we sat in the front row. as the music played, i realized that when the bride walked in the back of the sanctuary, everyone would stand. and they would look at the mother of the bride to know when to stand. then i realized that the mother of the bride...
i would be ok with it.
i would be ok with it if every night were like tonight. theater. sushi. and a bunny.
one thing
I never thought life would be like this. I always thought other people’s lives were like this. But, no. Never mine. Never ever.
My mom is getting married. In three days. Three days. To someone that’s not my father.
I am happy for her. I promise I am. This is what she wants, so it is what I want too. But, if I said that I am happy this is the way everything turned out, I would be...
holly golightly
You know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You’re chicken. You’ve got no guts. You’re afraid to stick out your chin and say, “Okay, life’s a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness.” You call yourself a “free spirit,” a “wild...
the science
nobody said it was easy no one ever said it would be this hard i’m going back to the start
take me back to the start
It's amazing.
It’s amazing how one person can see inside of you and understand you in a way that not even you yourself can. It’s amazing how imperfect human love is. It’s amazing how selfish you can be. It’s amazing how complicated people are. It’s amazing how life events can change how you see everything. It’s amazing how you thought, when you grew up, you’d...
of this i am convinced
The older I get, the less I understand, and the more desperate I become for Jesus, His healing, and His power.
That’s all.
bottom line.
i’m indecisive. i’m scared of committing to a decision. bottom line? bottom line, i’m scared to trust Jesus fully with the unknown.
and then
sometimes you just have a real great day. for no particular reason.
thanks Jesus. :)
saturday.
ah, so many things on my mind.
first, it is a lovely lovely day indeed. the sunshine feels wonderful. i need to decide what i am going to write my Hamlet essay about. i really don’t know at this point. my English professor is kind of intimidating. i also need to start saving money so i can get some sort of belt replaced on my car… i don’t like cars very much. i’d rather...
the human seasons
four seasons fill the measure of the year; there are four seasons in the mind of man: he has his lusty spring, when fancy clear takes in all beauty with an easy span: he has his summer, when luxuriously spring’s honey’d cud of youthful thought he loves to ruminate, and by such dreaming high is nearest unto heaven: quiet coves his soul has in its autumn, when his wings he furleth close;...
home
As they say… Youth is wasted on the young. Everything is easier as a child. You live virtually worry-free for you rely on everyone else for your very existence.
I think the thing I miss most about being a kid is having a home. A physical home. Where the people that you loved lived. A home where everything was stable. Where you felt loved and secure and safe. Home was the familiar. Home was...
trust
is not something i’m real good at apparently.
lovely
Thank You, Jesus for demonstrations of love.
Thank You for little things. and big things.
Thank You for being truth.
Thank You for being a fixer.
Thank You for encouragement.
Thank You for beautiful sunsets. for cameras. for people who listen.
there's something in the water.
it is so so weird. all these people i knew when marriage wasn’t even on their mind. and now they’re all getting engaged, getting married, having babies. everyone. ok. maybe not everyone. but, it seems like everyone.
in a way i’m jealous. but, i’ll just say it, marriage scares the hell out of me.
that’s all.
moving.
i always have a lot of ideas floating around in my head. i have ideas about where i want to go and lovely things i want to do when i’m there…
i’d like to move to seattle and live in the rain and drink coffee and read. i’d like to move to portland and go to Imago Dei and visit with my family. i’d like to move to san jose and do theater at sj state and eat ravs....
PrettyMediocreState if you get my drift
sometimes it’s just hard to deal with life. it seems like a million little things pile up. on some days you can just shake them off as the nothing that they are. and some days they are a really big deal. sometimes that’s just how it is. and you have to laugh-cry it off.
and sometimes you think about how life is pretty rough. sometimes the reality of how imperfect life is hits you....
Testing. One, two.
what do you think?
i worry too much about what people think of me. of the impression of myself i’m giving. i want to come across as having it all together. it really matters very much to me, though i hate to admit it. i wish it didn’t matter so much. but, i guess that’s just the human part of me again.
sigh.
love it.
daisies are very beautiful. they stay beautiful for a really long time. and...
